Old habits go the way of Bruce Willis movies concerning tower blocks and hostages, as India's bowlers proved today. On pitches where the pace and bounce are as inconsistent as the bowlers themselves – Headingley was a prime example – they can do a job. But on a patch of turf such as the one as The Oval, which batsmen must look upon with the same reverence as the photographer gazes at his gorgeous model, they are as clueless as lemmings heading to the cliff's edge. Before the start of play, Nasser Hussain had shrugged off the supposed momentum shift in India's favour. One good session is all it takes, he said, with what now appears to be chilling prescience. He threw a figure into the Oval air – 120 for 0 after one session – and Nostradamus could scarcely have done better as England finished with 113 for 1. Thereafter, it only got better as they handed out a red leather hiding that will leave several livid scars on the Indian psyche.

You can't be too harsh though. Only the best bowlers in the world – step forward Shane Warne and Glenn McGrath – can run through a side in this corner of South London. The thoroughbred finds a way no matter how steep the steeplechase, whereas the carthorse is only ever one false jump away from being put out of its misery. Last year, Australia won the toss and piled up well over 600 against England's pedestrian attack and England are now en route to a similar total against bowlers who, to be brutally honest, made a popgun look like a lethal weapon.

Zaheer Khan flattered in patches, but was as erratic as ever with the new ball, while Ajit Agarkar – after the scarcely believable consistency at Leeds – was back to spraying it around like a water pistol. Harbhajan Singh and Anil Kumble threatened in brief spurts but their display today only illustrated how sacrilegious it is to compare them to Warne. Both have much to commend them but they will never have the complete mastery that separates the Verity-O'Reilly-Bedi-Warne immortals from the merely good. The toss was always going to be the telling factor here and the state of the pitch is such that it's not implausible that someone will pile up 292 and put Sir Vivian Richards' epic 1976 innings in the shade. India could well use that as an excuse for this limp showing. But let's not forget that Australia humiliated Pakistan twice over the past week on an absolute featherbed at Nairobi. For McGrath, Warne, Jason Gillespie and Brett Lee – in years to come, we will speak of them in the same hushed tones that we now reserve for the West Indian pace quartet – the condition of the pitch was about as worrisome as the flies buzzing around. The truly great have no time for excuses and if today's play told us anything, it was that India have many miles to trek before dreaming of such accolades. Forget a quartet…just give us a McGrath clone. Please.

Dileep Premachandran is assistant editor, Wisden.com India.

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