England's defeat to the ACB Chairman's XI at Lilac Hill shouldn't come as too much of a surprise - an inept English performance in the lead-up to an overseas Test series is almost as ubiquitous as the optimistic tub-thumping that precedes it. Here are five more forgettable examples: 2001-02, v Northern Districts, lost by 3 wickets
England would have expected to run into the old warhorse Simon Doull on their New Zealand tour. They wouldn't, however, have expected him to cream 80 off 47 balls. Promoted to open after England had reached 288 for 6 in 50 overs, Doull took Matthew Hoggard and Andy Caddick apart, flaying 11 fours and two sixes. By the time Doull fell to Paul Collingwood, Northern Districts were 114 for 2 from 14 overs, and well on the way to applying yet more egg to English faces.

1996-97, v Mashonaland, lost by 7 wickets
Fresh from a comprehensive one-day defeat by a Zimbabwe President's XI, England stayed in Harare to get thumped by the might of Mashonaland. James Kirtley, still five years away from his England debut, did the damage with 5 for 53 in the first innings, and England never recovered from top-order collapses: 27 for 4 in the first innings, 29 for 4 in the second. Mike Atherton made 2 and 7, Alec Stewart 1 and 0, Nick Knight 6 and 3. Like the ill-tempered Test series it preceded, this was not a match to remember with much pride.

1995-96, v South Africa A, lost by 6 wickets
A week before the first Test, England's full-strength XI was soundly thrashed by South Africa A after being forced to follow on. To be fair to England: this was a South African side with many future stars: Jacques Kallis (93 and 4 for 67), Lance Klusener (61) … and 18-year-old Paul Adams, who in only his third first-class match bamboozled England's battle-hardened top order and picked up nine wickets. Devon Malcolm, of all people, eventually got hold of Adams, smacking six sixes in the second innings, but the writing was on the wall.

1986-87, v Queensland, lost by 7 wickets
England's `can't bat, can't bowl, can't field' vintage laid down a marker by starting their Ashes campaign with a desperate five-wicket defeat to Queensland. Put in on a moist surface, England were skittled for 135 inside four hours by left-armer Dirk Tazelaar, before Queensland romped to 154 for 0, with four catches of varying simplicity going down. They eventually declared nearly 200 ahead, and England only made them bat again because Ian Botham (86 off 67 balls, including a smashed secretary's window) and Neil Foster (74 not out) went on the rampage. All's well that ends well, though: within two months and a day, England were 2-0 up and the Ashes had been retained.

1977-78, v BCCP Patron's XI, drawn
An unhappy tour of Pakistan and New Zealand began well when Geoff Miller spun out the Patron's XI for 151. But 44 overs later, when England were 64 for 9, things were not looking quite so rosy. Liaqat Ali, a man more famous for easing a rank long-hop onto David Gower's legs to give his Test career a flying start the following summer, demolished them on a wet wicket. At that point Mike Brearley declared, but rain had already ensured the match would end in a draw.

Rob Smyth is assistant editor of Wisden.com.

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