The first day at Perth was gloomily predictable. England were probably always going to bat first – Steve Waugh was inclined to stick them in if he'd won the toss – and the battle-scarred batsmen lined up to swat across the line or give slip-catching practice. By the end of the day those flying out for the "deciders" at Melbourne and Sydney were checking to see if their air tickets really were non-refundable. Even that old England favourite, the comedy run-out, was wheeled out. And after the batsmen crumbled, the bowlers served up at least one bad ball per over. The Australian batsmen tucked in greedily, and for a while you could be forgiven for thinking it was a one-day game as the Aussies zeroed in on England's puny total. And a run-out and a steepling boundary catch isn't exactly the traditional way of disposing of the opposing openers.

It all served to emphasise the gulf between the top dogs in the Test table and the rest. Australia steamrollered second-placed South Africa last year – it was 5-0 in the back-to-back series before the Aussies fell asleep in the final match – and not many would now bet against only the second Ashes whitewash, after the sepia days of 1920-21.

Australia dominate Test cricket like Celtic and Rangers rule – or is it ruin? – the Scottish football league. The other teams scrap ferociously among themselves, but can't dent the big two. It's like watching a plucky non-league club taking on the big boys in the FA Cup – the minnows do well in spasms but the big boys usually win out in the end (unless they're Queen's Park Rangers). England, we shouldn't forget, scored runs for fun against Sri Lanka and India at home last summer. The trouble with Test cricket at the moment is that this old firm is a monopoly.

The bad news for the other teams is that there isn't much of a glimmer on the hazy Aussie horizon. There's a battalion of batsmen ready to pounce if Darren Lehmann fails again – Martin Love, who's already blasted two double-centuries against England on this trip, leads the way.

But the good news is that the bowling, so commanding and controlling at the moment, is another matter. Shane Warne is closing in on 500 Test wickets, and Glenn McGrath might get there too. But they can't last for ever, and the next generation are more Janeways and Datas than Kirks and Spocks – laudable but not legends.

That's all England have – hope for the future. The Ashes may be locked in that glass case at Lord's, but they might as well be scattered onto the pitch at Perth now. Start looking out for spoof obituary notices in the papers ...

Steven Lynch is editor of Wisden.com.

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