After the drunken fancy-dress party of the one-day series, this morning was more like a sober black-tie do. The Barmy Army were almost reverentially silent at first, possibly because the 10.30am start had robbed them of valuable drinking time, and the Mad Caps didn't turn up at all. It would be nice to report that the calm around Lancaster Park was down to nervous tension, but in reality it had more to do with a lack of bums on seats. The first session of a Test series really ought to send more shivers down your spine than this. The atmosphere wasn't helped by the soulless concrete West Stand, which is still undergoing construction work and looms over the ground with menace. The noise of banging tools echoed round the ground like steel drums in a deserted car park, and it made you wonder why New Zealand don't stage their Tests at more homely grounds like Hamilton or Napier. You hoped a few knights on horseback would emerge from the gates of the mock castle as they had done here on Saturday night before the Super 12s rugby game between the Crusaders and the Blues – but nothing came. Maybe the knights had fallen asleep.

A group of blue-uniformed schoolchildren injected some youthful enthusiasm, and the St George's flags hung dutifully from the railings, but it was all a bit serious and sensible, and the man dressed as the Pink Panther must have thought he'd wandered into the wrong game.

What interest there was centred at first on the drop-in pitch, which an experienced local journalist described as one of the greenest he'd ever seen in New Zealand. Whoever won the toss was clearly going to bowl, but Nasser Hussain had used up his luck with four correct calls out of five in the one-dayers, and England's openers were soon heading out to face Chris Cairns with worried glances at the grey sky and the emerald strip.

Five balls later, it was 0 for 2 and people began talking about Johannesburg, when England slumped to 2 for 4 on the first morning of the series. At this point the groundsman possibly said a quick prayer, and when Michael Vaughan pulled a couple of early sixes, it seemed it would be answered. But the wickets kept falling and only Hussain prevented a rout.

At one point the English sections of the crowd were roused to a chorus of boos when Mark Ramprakash was given out caught behind off his thigh-pad. It was a bad moment for the Sri Lankan umpire Asoka de Silva to have a shocker, because he had just been named as one of ICC's panel of eight elite officials. At the other end you almost expected Billy Bowden to make an error, because he spends so much of his time fidgeting. At Napier he had hilariously shown a member of the crowd the red card for moving behind the bowler's arm. Now he greeted the various miscreants with a tap of the head, which seemed a bit rich.

You had to admire the travelling band of England fans, who probably outnumbered the locals and had come from Sheffield, Northampton, Torquay and Gainsborough to watch yet another collapse. The Barmy Army even started singing as the day drew to a close, which was more a reflection of their masochistic ways than England's batting. Pitches come and pitches go, but the Barmies just stay the same.

Lawrence Booth is assistant editor of Wisden.com.

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