Fast bowlers have always laboured under the impression they are dim. It may be an unfair assumption, but it is one that is unwittingly added to with every passing breath. Frank Tyson may have been able to quote Shakespeare to his victims, but all of his best work came after he had taken a blow to the bonce. Fast bowlers, you see, do not need to think. Which is just as well, or else the world might sit up and take the latest ramblings from Waqar Younis seriously.

Waqar is a magnificent bowler, and thus far he has been an impressive captain (played 4 Tests, won 3, lost 1). But he is clearly a confused fellow, and his understanding of the flawed, but inherently simple, ICC championship table is on a par with Andrew Caddick's understanding of geo-politics.

Pakistan, he says, are ranked at a lowly eighth out of nine-and-a-smidgeon because they have played just one Test in six months. In fact, hang it, Pakistan should be in the top three.

What rot. The whole point of the ICC table is that it rewards those who win, and penalises those that don't. And Pakistan have one of the most lamentable Test records on earth.

In their last seven home series on the table, Pakistan have lost an inglorious five of them. They were hoodwinked by England in the Karachi twilight, they collapsed to 92 all out in pursuit of 146 against South Africa. Hell, they even lost to Zimbabwe, and that takes true skill in this day and age.

Since July 2001, they have mugged the poor inoffensive Bangladeshis by an innings, and missed out on a home series with New Zealand, whose team ethic scared the wits out of Australia, and would have been a good bet to improve on their 1-1 showing in 1996-97.

Waqar's posturing it seems, is all based on one glorious afternoon in Manchester, when England's finest were gunned down in a session. For a fleeting moment, Pakistan revealed their true colours. Now, if only they had bothered to turn up to the first match of that rubber.

Andrew Miller is on the staff of Wisden.com

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