by Christine Davey
Saturday, September 29, 2001

Australia didn't bring home the Ashes. Most of us from the land of plenty, and plenty of others for that matter, are asking why. Don't we possess the expertise to take care of cricket's greatest prize? According to the Marylebone Cricket Club we'll lose them, break them, or maybe sell them to John the subcontinental bookmaker.

Those likely lads at Lord's are choking at the thought. "Just imagine," says Lord Jolly-Hockey-Sticks after a particularly brutal game of billiards. "Those fa-fa colonials want the fa-fa Ashes!" To which Lord Snoopdraw-Haberdashery, after a frightfully draining round of Scrabble, responds with: "One absolutely agrees, old bean. Just because one wins one's matches four to one and completely dominates one's series doesn't mean one actually takes one's Ashes home. Does one agree?"

One who definitely doesn't agree is Steve Waugh, Australia's captain. When asked after the final Test about the famous urn's lack of travel plans, he said: "If you win a trophy you should get to have the trophy."

When Waugh slid, face down and eating dirt, to reach his ton at The Oval, the decision-makers weren't paying attention. When he raised his bat, periscope-fashion, to acknowledge the crowd, the MCC committee must have been in the gents. These were not the actions of an untrustworthy man. To suggest that this man, who bats with the doggedness of the last soldier at Gallipoli, would not protect the urn is tantamount to insult.

Actually it's not Steve Waugh who is being insulted. It is none of the team that Jonathan Agnew called "the magnificent Australians". It's not Shane Warne's mobile-phone exploits, Brett Lee's exuberance, or even Colin Miller's hair colour that is being chided. When the lads in the Long Room refuse to hand over the Ashes, it is Australia herself getting a slap on the wrist. She's been naughty. She's been wilful enough to be loud and brave, and shocking enough to have space, sunshine and marketable soap operas.

Most importantly, Australia has been shameless enough to create a team which has become very good at playing cricket. Insisting that the Ashes stay at Lord's is not only a symptom of post-colonial condescension, it's a playground fight over who has the best lunch. The spiteful children of the MCC are keeping tabs on the Vegemite, even though they're not allowed to eat.

Meanwhile, Steve Waugh and his triumphant team have returned to the space and sunshine of a land Down Under, and we're happy to have them home. The urn remains at Lord's. Let's hope the MCC doesn't lose it.

Christine Davey is a freelance writer from Winchelsea, Victoria. She recently returned from the Ashes series, is gearing up for the South African one, and saving her pennies for the next series in the West Indies. In the meantime she teaches and writes for newspapers and websites.

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