Reason for Mushtaq's one-day absence much clearer
Roy Colbert - 13 March 2001

(Two cricket fanatics with their views on the game from their Dunedin sofa).

"Spectacular first Test, mate."

"Right from before it even started, mate. Nobody knew who'd be playing for Pakistan after all."

"Exactly. That's the beauty of Pakistan cricket, you never know what's coming next."

"My good friend Hone from up Kaitaia way actually made the Pakistan side in the end. You know Hone?"

"One of the Maniapoto boys?"

"Yes, the third-eldest. Hone was in Auckland trying out for the Warriors, but he missed the cut. He was about to head home and heard the ad for Pakistan players on radio's Buy, Sell or Exchange."

"Naturally he applied."

"Naturally he did. And made the team, using the now globally-accepted Welsh rugby eligibility rule."

"Which is 'my grandfather came from your country but I'm buggered if I can find the birth certificate'."

"Precisely. Hone changed his name of course, to give it a Pakistani ring."

"He was Miss-Ball-ul-Haq?"

"Well yes obviously that was Hone. The man does have a killer sense of humour after all."

"That he does. He didn't get many runs though."

"Well, he's never played the game, mate, what did you expect? He got his match fee and he was able to drive home to Kaitaia in a Subaru Impreza."

"I felt New Zealand were unlucky in that game. Is that just me?"

"No, you're right, the game could have gone either way on the fifth day. But in the end Pakistan wanted it more."

"I did think technically we were the better side. Except for young Bell, who looks like he's been coached by an Irish tap dancer."

"Unusual batting stance, yes. But a fine player, Bell. And a very unlucky player. Sharked out in the first innings, run out by an inch in the second. It doesn't get any unluckier than that."

"It doesn't."

"By the way, I think it's clear now why Mushtaq didn't play in the one-dayers."

"Because Moin Khan can't pick his wrong 'un?"

"Absolutely. The man hasn't a clue which way the ball is going. I love the way Moin bats, but I'd have to say he's one of the great hand-off captains who's toured here. Only Clive Lloyd comes close."

"I was intrigued by the discussion they had on the radio on how many of the finest batsmen in the game have been small men."

"My ears picked up on that too, but think about it, who would you rate as the finest five batsmen of all time?"

"Bradman, Turner, Tendulkar, Gavaskar and Gaffaney."

"You'd have Gavaskar in there?"

"He scored a mountain of test runs, mate. I'm afraid I cannot leave him out."

"Well, okay. But there you have it - all of them small men."

"Exactly. I tell you, those radio boys really know their stuff."

"You think so? I listened to them all Saturday saying Wiseman didn't have an arm ball, and then I listened again on Sunday and blow me down, they were saying how many revolutions in the air Wiseman's arm ball has. Same commentators! I tell you, mate, you take Glenn Turner out of that commentary box and you're left with a ship of fools. In the end I was forced to listen to the radio with the sound turned off."

"It's the only way you'll find out what's going on, mate."

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