(Two cricket fanatics with their views on cricket from a Dunedin sofa)

"Mate, did you watch that magnificent Shell Cup final?"

"Mate, I do many things, but one thing I will never do, and that's watch Canterbury play sport. I wait for the result, and if they lose, I watch the edited highlights at night. Twice. And on this particular occasion, I would have to say that was the most enjoyable weekend's cricket I have ever seen."

"Absolutely it was. I watched every ball. CD were outstanding. Dipak Patel! The only man to bat all eleven places in a New Zealand batting order - and now the finest coach in the land!"

"A triumph of good over evil, mate. Though I do like the look of this Martin. That bungi leap before delivery recalls our very own Murray Webb, which is as much praise as I can give to a quick. I presume Canterbury pinched him from another province like they do with their Crusaders."

"He was born in Christchurch."

"Bollocks he was born in Christchurch. Delivered in a plane flying OVER Christchurch maybe, on his way to a legitimate cricketing province."

"He was born in Christchurch. It's called the glorious uncertainty of cricket."

"I'll tell you the glorious uncertainty of cricket mate - Billy Bowden being unable to count to six."

"You have a problem with that? Billy's the only umpire in this country who understands how important the glorious uncertainty of cricket is. Imagine how boring the game would become if every over had six balls. Take a mid-wicket batting conference -'we need to look for a single off the last ball, but when will the last ball BE?' It would turn cricket into Pin The Tail On The Donkey."

"You're right. I didn't realise Billy was so far ahead of the play."

"Billy's way ahead of the play cobber, in fact Billy's in a completely different universe."

"Fantastic war-dance by McMillan when he dismissed the number ten batsman Thompson."

"McMillan is practising for the Pakistani series, pal, where the number ten batsman will be Shoaib Akhtar. He's a brave boy that Macca."

"Do you think we can break the Crowe story now?"

"I think we can, yes."

"Well, after Marty made such a great fist of reading out that list of Sri Lankan names during Sunday's game, Sri Lanka's television chiefs had a television newsreader job offer on the table within minutes. They love him over there, they haven't forgotten his 299."

"Who could forget Marty's 299?"

"I rang him immediately of course. 'Samson' I said...."

"Samson?"

"You know the story, pal, the guy whose lost his strength when he lost his hair. When Marty had a head like a pool ball and was describing even the drinks break as sensational, he was a commentator we could afford to lose. But not now, his strength is back. With Glenn Turner inexplicably absent from the commentary box, Marty's the best we have."

"I hang on his every word. And I'm not alone."

"So I said to him - 'Samson, we cannot afford to lose you' - and stitched a quick deal with Sky, whose ratings were set to go through the floor. The rest is history."

"You did a helluva job there, mate, I take my hat off to you."

"Anything that benefits the game, mate, anything that benefits the game."

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