(Two cricket fanatics with their views on world cricket from a Dunedin sofa)

"Mate, did you see that comment from Azharuddin about the time they found $340,000 in Gavaskar's locker?"

"I did, mate, and I was astounded. Those dressing-room lockers are never locked. If Gavaskar had that much in his locker, imagine how much he had under his mattress."

"Precisely. Nobody hides anything in a locker. When the CLEAR Black Caps come to town I'm always in the dressing-room checking their lockers. If you're involved in the cricketing media it's the only way you can stay on the cutting edge."

"Ever found $340,000 in a Black Caps locker?"

"No, never. But I've found some damn interesting stuff."

"Richard Boock posters, Paul Holmes CDs, Shortland Street actresses ..."

"Yeah, yeah, all that. But what has really thrown in me in recent seasons is I've found books in there."

"The CLEAR Black Caps do read, cobber, they're fully-rounded."

"Obviously. Dion Nash had John McEnroe's Cussing Made Easy. And I couldn't even get into Roger Twose's locker for the books on positive thinking. Heath Davis' was an interesting one - Volumes One through Six of How To Pamper Your Dog."

"I liked Davis, he had real mongrel. I'm surprised they didn't use them this summer when all the quicks went down. Call me old-fashioned, but I rate Davis above Hadlee."

"As a selector, without a doubt, he is superior."

"Listen mate, Davis was a player. Sir Richard should have stopped worrying Davis might better his Test wicket record of 431 and just given him the ball. Cricket is a team game after all. Davis could have been our very own Heath Streak."

"Talking of Heath Streak, he seemed to be using the Lotto balls for his bowling changes over the 10 overs of that one-dayer against the Windies last Saturday night. What on earth was he up to?"

"Deception Through Lunacy, mate, it's a proven formula for many international captains these days, witness Jimmy Adams' field placings in the same game. Phenomenal knock by Powell for 83 though."

"Phenomenal? Did you watch it mate? That was just beach cricket. They say he's strong on the leg side - I tell you, if you're talking strong on the leg side, Rebecca Rolls from our womens' world champions could buy and sell Powell with one arm."

"Great game though."

"Great game? Did you watch it mate? I don't think I've ever seen a more absurd run chase. As Michael Holding said - "dey are playing widdout brain". I tell you, that West Indies team has only got one oar in the water."

"I think you're right. If Zimbabwe had one more bowler they would have beaten them by 50."

"And if we'd had five more bowlers, we would have beaten Zimbabwe by 10."

"Touche. I tell you mate, I've said it before and I'll say it again, New Zealand cricket has been on a downhill slide since they got rid of Heath Davis."

"I see in the Sunday Star-Times Martin Crowe is on a golf handicap of five. Makes a mockery of your comment a few weeks ago that he can't play the game."

"Mate, Marty hands most of his cards in at that mini-golf course on Tamaki Drive.

And he's happy with that. 'Sofa' he said to me 'a five is a five wherever you play' and I agree with him totally. Hell, I play around the chairs in the lounge, and I'm on plus one."

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