Songs of Praise

The support this tour has been unbelievable, starting more or less from ball one and continuing all day in true Barmy Army spirit. With Melbourne and Sydney around the corner, there will be a mixture of experienced Barmy Army travelers and new recruits; because of this there will be more than one song being sung at any one time, which although this will add to the general noise coming from the English section, the effect of that noise on the England team and the Aussie public around us will not be maximized.

To be successful in International sport you need to maximize every advantage you have. Against Australia we will have a largely partisan crowd who will want to show their support-if this can be channeled so that it creates a positive influence on the England team then the chances of victory are increased.

What follows is a selection of songs which we feel can lift the team and/or keep the Aussie fans in their place ie. quiet. Please download them and learn them if you have time, perhaps on the plane coming over, and there will be many of us trying to achieve the ultimate goal of everyone singing together, or at least most of us.

If anybody has further ideas for alternative ditties or any other songs please tell us, or drop us an email at reports@barmy-army.com.

You Can Sings Sod All
To the tune of "Wonderwall"

Today is gonna be the day that we're gonna sing a song for you.
By now you should've somehow realized that's what we're here to do.
And I don't believe that anybody sings as bad as you.
AUSSIE CONVICTS

Backbeat, the word is on the street that you can't even write a song
I'm sure, you've heard it all before, but c'mon Aussies prove us wrong
'Cos I don't believe that anybody's quite as thick as you
AUSSIE CONVICTS

The "oh aah" song you sing for Glenn is so sad
And "Warney Warney Warney" is just as bad
There are many songs that I would like to hear from you
But you don't know how, (don't know how)
'Cos maybe, (maybe) you'll never find a song to play me, (play me)
'Cos after all, YOU CAN SING SOD ALL!

Ball and Chain

There is a house in New Orleans, They call the Rising Sun
It's been the ruin of many a poor boy, oh Lord I know I'm one
One foot on the platform, one foot on the train
I'm going back to New Orleans, to my ball and chain
1,2,
Ball and Chain! Ball and Chain!
We came here with Backpacks you with Ball and Chain
Ball and Chain! Ball and Chain!
We came here with Backpacks you with Ball and Chain.

The Aussies Love the English

The Aussies love the English, you might find it quite strange
'Cos we sent them all down under, with only balls and chains
And when they see the English, they always shout and scream
But when they had the chance to vote they voted for the Queen!

God save your gracious Queen
Long live your noble Queen
God save your Queen (you're a convict)
Send her victorious
Happy and glorious
Long to reign over you
God save your Queen.

Convict Colony
To the tune of "Yellow Submarine"

In the town where I was born, there lived a man who was a thief
And he told me of his life, stealing bread and shagging sheep.
So they put him in the nick, and then a magistrate he went to see
He said "put him on a ship, to the convict colony"

You all live in a convict colony, a convict colony, a convict colony
You all live in a convict colony, a convict colony, a convict colony

When we win a Test Match
To the tune of "Knees up Mother Brown"

E-I-E-I-E-I-O

Off to Sydney we will go
When we win a Test Match
This is what we'll sing
We are England! We are England
Nasser is our King

End of Tour Song

I've been to Adelaide
I've been Tasmania
I've been to Perth
I've been to Brisbane too
I've been the MCG, I've been the SCG
And all because….
'Cos England I love you

When I was Six

When I was six, I had no sense,
I bought a flute for fifty pence
The only tune that I could play
Was Nasser Hussain's Barmy Army

We are the Barmy Boys!

I-oh! I-oh! We are the Barmy Boys!
I-oh! I-oh! We are the Barmy Boys!
We're England's famous cricket fans
Who travel near and far.
When we're not singing you'll find us at the bar!

Fill a fridge

I-oh! I-oh! You couldn't fill a fridge
I-oh! I-oh! You couldn't fill a fridge
Your mothers wearing Tupperware
Your fathers wearing pants
We're all going to the disco dance.

Jerusalem

And did those feet in ancient times
Walk upon England's mountains green
And was the holy lamb of god
On England's pleasant pastures seen
And did the countenance divine
Shine forth upon those clouded hills
And was Jerusalem builded here
Amongst those dark satanic mills.

Bring me my bow of burning gold
Bring me my arrows of desire
Bring me my spear o-clouds unfold
Bring me my chariot of fire
I shall not cease from mental fight
Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand
Til we have built Jerusalem
In England's green and pleasant land.

Away in a manger

Away in a manger
No crib for a bed
The little Lord Jesus
Sat up and he said…

ENGERLAND, ENGERLAND, ENGERLAND
ENGERLAND, ENGERLAND, ENGERLAND…

Jingle Bells

Jingle Bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to see
England win away. (Repeat)

When This Bloody Tour Is Over
To the tune of "When this bloody War is over"

When this bloody tour is over,
Oh how happy I will be
On the plane back home to England
No more Aussie cheats for me

No more cheating useless umpires
No more catches off the grass (off the grass)
We will tell those cheating Aussies
To stick the Ashes up their arse.

Ashes Stay At Lords
to the tune of "Three Lions"

They talk about Ashes flown to Oz,
They stay at home of course,
They're all daft, they don't know
That in England we invented the game,
Through the stuggle & pain, and the wind and the rain
The urns not leaving.
Three Lions on our shirts
The Ashes urns still gleaming
Locked away at lords
And Marky Waugh left screaming
They stay at lords , They stay at lords,They stay at
Ashes stay at Lords
They stay at lords , They stay at lords, They stay at. Ashes stay at Lords.

In the land Where I was born
To the tune of Yellow Submarine

In the land where I was born
There were some cricketers
To be adored
They can bowl, and they can bat
So I follow them with my backpack

We all follow the English Cricket Team
The English Cricket Team
The English Cricket Team.

Boring Boring Warney
To the tune of "In your ********* slums"

He's given up pizzas, he's given up pies
He's given up nurses, he's stopped telling lies
Warnie's a boring old fart
Warnie's a boring old fart

So get eating pizzas and get being fat
Get seeing a bookie and stop being a twat
Warnie's a boring old fart
Warnie's a boring old fart

We'll get you a nice English tart
Warnie's a boring old fart

Boring boring Warnie
Boring boring Warnie
Boring boring Warnie

Shane Warne
To the tune of "My Old Man's A Dustman"

Shane Warne is an Aussie
He wears a baggy cap
He's got a Nike earing
He looks an Aussie Twat
He's got his little flipper
He's got his box of tricks
But when he bowls to Freddie
He gets knocked for six.

Australian National Anthem

We are a convict colony
We carry balls and chains
Our blokes are mainly beach bums who
Are really far too vein

We like to go a-shooting
Or sh*g a kangaroo
Our culture amounts to no more
Than Rolf and his Didgeridoo.

Our culture amounts to no more
Than Rolf and his Didgeridoo.

You may have seen our cricket team
They are an ugly mob
We've got the McGrath the bank robber
And Waugh with his loud gob

Is that kid really Gilchrists' son?
Or Slaters? It's hard to tell
Shane Warne has launched his own wine range
With names he cannot spell.

Shane Warne has launched his own wine range
With names he cannot spell.

We like to go Pommie bashing
Well, what else can we do?
For they have got some history
And first hand culture too

We think that if we win the Tests
We'll be a stronger place
But still the cash of this nation
Displays the Pom Queens face

But still the cash of this nation
Displays the Pom Queens face.

Are we happy?

Today is Monday
Monday is a finger day
Today is Tuesday
Tuesday' errrrghh!
Today is Wednesday
Wednesday is an Aussies day
Today is Thursday
Thursday is a thinking day
Today is Friday
Friday is for shagging sheep
Today is Saturday
Saturday's for Rugby
32-31
32-31
Today is Sunday
Sunday is a Day of prayer.

CHORUS:

Are we happy? You bet your life we are!!
Der de le de de de de de, der de le de de de de de.

Naughty boys from England's Shores
To the tune of Baggy Trousers

Naughty boys from Englands shores
Cheering wins and cheering draws
Don't care even if they lose
As long as they get lots of booze
Barmy Army down the pub
Lots of beer and lots of grub
Trying not to think of when
They have to go to work again

Oh what fun we had
None of us were ever sad
Cricket through the day
Go out and drink the night away
Oh what fun we had
Though at the time our heads were bad
Trying different ways
To drag our bodies through the days.

Lots of girls and lots of boys
Lots of smells and lots of noise
Money's getting tight
Hide the sausage every night
Barmy army comes to town
Lots of action going down
Front page headlines every day
Every town that is on the way.

Michael Vaughan
To the tune of Kum-By-Yah

Michael Vaughan my Lord, Michael Vaughan.
Michael Vaughan my Lord, Michael Vaughan.
Michael Vaughan my Lord, Michael Vaughan.
Ohh Lord Michael Vaughan

Nasser
To the tune of "Rupert the Bear"

Nasser, Nasser Hussain, everyone knows his name.
Nasser, Nasser Hussain, everyone knows his name
He's Nasser Hussain!

Marcus Trescothic
To the tune of "Jesus Christ Superstar"

Trescothic, Superstar
Scores more runs than Tendulkar

Andy Caddick
To the tune of "Oh my Darling Clementine"

Andy Caddick, Andy Caddick
Must be worth five hundred grand
He was too good for New Zealand,
So he plays for En-ger-land

Tenpole Tudor
To the tune of "Swords of a thousand Men"

He came to the WACA on a sunny day
He came from over 10,000 miles away
First he scored one
Then he scored four
Then he took Ponting, McGrath
And then Waugh Waugh Waugh

Say Tudor Tudor Tudaray
His names Alex Tudor and he's gonna take your stumps away
Der-der, Der-dup
Der-der, Der-dup
Der-der, Der-dup Der-der
Say Tudor Tudor Tudaray
His names Alex Tudor and he's gonna take your stumps away.

The Jungle Book Song

Now Hoggy's the King of the swingers, An England VIP
He has a bowl, we have a song, The Aussies out by tea

Oohh Oohh Oohh I wanna bowl like you-ou-ou
Don't wanna bat like you, just bowl like you do-o-o
Oh yeah it's true-ue-ue
I wanna bowl like you-ou-ou
Don't wanna bat like you, just bowl like you-ou-ou.

Freddie Flintoff
To the tune of the Flintstones

When you're with Fred Flintoff & the Barmy Army Family
We're all, out of England & we're gonna have a big party
By day, Freddie's knocking 'em for six
At night, he'll be with us on the piss.
When you're with Fred Flintoff & the Barmy Army Family

Robert Key
To the tune of "Robin Hood"

Robert Key, Robert Key
Coming down the pitch
Robert Key, Robert Key
He's never going to miss
Should he hit four
Or maybe a six
Robert Key, Robert Key, Robert Key

Alec Stewart
To the tune of "do ron ron"

My name is Alec Stewart and I run run run
Run run run run run run run
They asked me to keep wicket so I run run run
Run run run run run run run
Wooh & then I twirl my bat
Wooh, I want my openers' hat
Wooh, I always run
Run run run run run run run

On the 12th Day of Christmas my Nasser send to me

12 weeks of drinking
11 fit players
10 Aussie wickets
9 short for Warnie (ie short of his 500 Test scalps)
8 All the pies
7 saucy Sheilas
6 Brett Lee chuckers
5 Haemeroids
4 more runs
3 proud lions
2 cheating umpires

and a win at the SCG

THANKS TO THE BALCONY BOYZ FOR THIS ONE

My name is Mark Boucher & I should've run

Run run Boucher, run run run
We only needed a single to go through
Run run Boucher, run run run
Oh, I shouldn't of blocked
Oh, I'm such a cock
Oh, I should've run
Run run Boucher
Run run run.