One thing that stands out after the fourth Test victory is the tightrope we walk playing sport at the highest level. Playing cricket for England has and always will be a precarious occupation. Trying to plan your life around the uncertainty - and the current group of selectors are doing a difficult job better than any I've known - can be a nightmare and I find it unbelievably hard to let people know what I am doing next week, never mind in two months' time.

As you can imagine, the feelings I had as I drove up to Nottingham 12 days ago were slightly different from those as I returned home on Monday afternoon. Despite what has since been said by various selectors I honestly felt I was not going to play in the fourth Test until 9.45 on the morning of the game when Alec Stewart went up to Alan Mullally and told him the bad news.

But my worries did not just end with the prospect of missing this Test. Suddenly my whole international career seemed to be on the line. All I kept thinking was that I hadn't had enough of Test cricket yet. I hadn't achieved what I wanted to as an England player. There was also the prospect of a tour of Australia this winter slipping through my hands and I can't think of many better ways of spending four months of my life than that.

All it takes is for the player who replaces you to have a good game, England to win and you are very quickly yesterday's man. This is why, as the player in possession, you try never to give a potential challenger a chance to excel.

You want your name to remain at the forefront of the selectors' thoughts. You can wait a long time for your next chance and, approaching 33, it's fair to say I haven't got that many left.

One player who has never really had to go through these experiences, and most probably never will if he continues to play as he did a week ago, is Mike Atherton. In the second innings he played as well as I have ever seen. The South Africans made him work hard for our win and he looked shattered as we sat and waited to be interviewed at the end.

How pleasing it was to pip my buddy for the man-of-the-match award. From the moment my name was announced I knew it wouldn't be too long before he passed comment and he didn't disappoint. As we relaxed afterwards with a cold beer he suggested that me getting the award on the back of several strangles and bad decisions was proof that this was a bowler's game. I didn't waste the chance to reply by informing him that I thought his third innings in this Test was his best.

This is all part of the batsman/bowler discussions that go on in every dressing room. Which are harder to get, hundreds or five-wicket hauls? Naturally Mike defends the batsmen's corner and I the bowlers'. One of the more pleasing things about getting two five-wicket hauls last week was that I now have as many ``five-fors'' as he has hundreds - 12. This aggravates him no end considering I have played far fewer games, but I must admit I would have been more than happy to watch him go past me last Monday.

So what about this week's decider at Headingley? You would have to say that, at the moment, the force is with us. How things change. Four weeks ago everybody was saying the game was in crisis, about to go bust, we were a disgrace. Now it appears you cannot get a ticket for the first three days of the fifth Test. England have a realistic chance of winning the series and the country has gone cricket mad.

None of us has won a five-match series against one of the major cricket-playing countries. We, as a side, will pick up over £200,000 if we win and then there is the small matter of trying to book a place on this winter's tour. If that is not enough motivation we should pack our bags and call it a day. I'm just delighted still to be a part of it all.