Partington J: Chess Match Special

Chess Match Special

Brian Johnston: Welcome back to Chess Match  Special,  where
the  players  are  just  coming  back  onstage after the tea
interval and Short is preparing his move.  And  I  must  say
that this cake is absolutely splendid... it's been sent by a
Mrs Capablanca who is a regular fan of our broadcasts.

Trevor Bailey: I wonder if she's any relation  of  old  Boko
Capablanca who once took 8 pawns in a game for Derbyshire.

[Muttering in background.]

BJ: Thanks, Bill. Well the bearded wonder says that none  of
Boko's  surviving  relatives  have  ever  made edible cakes,
though his aunt Matilda was well  known  for  seedcake.  And
Short  has  moved! That's King to King's Bishop's Square, or
Kf1 if you prefer. Any comments, Trevor?

TB: Well the board may be a bit damp where Short  spilt  his
lemonade, so one would imagine that this would help the fast
movers. Rather a quiet move really but often seen  in  world
championships.

[Muttering in background.]

TB: Oh, Bill Frindall says that in fact it's only been  seen
in 17% of world championship matches.

BJ: I see there's also a  patch  of  biscuit-crumbs  at  the
striker's  end.  Do  you think Kasparov will be able to make
use of this when he comes to move?

TB: Oh I should imagine so. Biscuit  crumbs,  cigarette-ash,
sawdust,  ...  the true professional is going to extract the
maximum advantage out of the state of the pitch, if he can.

BJ: And I see that umpire Dickie Bird is  adjusting  one  of
the  pawns.  I  think  a  gust  of wind must have caught it.
Anyway I'm off for a pooh-pooh now, so to take  you  through
the next few minutes, it's Aggers.

Jonathan Agnew: Great to be here, Johnners. Now I think  old
Shorty  must  be  feeling  as  sick as a rook, as the saying
goes, because he was relying on  that  pawn  being  slightly
crooked, wasn't he Trevor?

TB: Z-z-z-z-z-z.

JA: Thank you Trevor. Well we're still waiting for  Kasparov
to  move  his  men  into position and there's no sign of any
time trouble yet. I'm not so sure about these  chess  clocks
though...  they've already given trouble in this game: Bill,
remember when the alarm went off, and woke up Trevor?

[Sounds of violence in the background followed  by  a  sharp
slap.]

TB: Eh? What? Oh, thank you Bill. Well as I was just saying,
we really have seen some magnificent pawn-work in this game.

[Meanwhile on Channel 4 Carol Vorderman is asking 3  leading
grandmasters  whether they ever have any trouble remembering
how a knight moves, and what would happen if Kasparov  moved
a piece of

Thanks to J.R.Partington on r.s.c.
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