Everyone who lives close to England cricket has Bedserisms echoing and re-echoing in their ears, mainly because Sir Alec and Eric, 80 years apiece, pronounce identical views on cricket though slightly out of sync. If their duets are plaintiff and repetitious it is because they hammered through long professional playing lives at the Oval, learned what was right and what was wrong, never conceding a single discovery to the modern game while offering almost 40 years of strictures.
``You've got to pitch the ball up, y'know. . . .'' says Alec.
``Brother always pitched it up, y'know. Don would have murdered him if. . . .'' says Eric.
What did last week's scene at Melbourne and this one at Sydney have in common? They were both days of the full length.
Gough zipped through the Australian lower order both times with balls aimed right up in the popping crease. In Melbourne there was reverse swing from off to leg. Then at Sydney the second new ball was given the air to swing from straight to off. The Bedsers could say ``We said so.'' Perhaps more to the point we salute Gough who had the wit and intelligence to work it out.
A full day has gone since that hat-trick: a joyous cluster of snicks and stumps which in roasting Sydney sunshine appeared to be the produce of the most refined urgings of the Barmy Army. ``They used to shout and get sick,'' said my taxi driver. ``Now they come in at the right time: when England need them.'' Certainly their chanting has been appropriate, the intonation clear. ``God Bless Your Gracious Queen'' is one that got up the noses of the Aussies in Sydney. And yet it did not work in Melbourne where the pre-lunch toast was loyally to Her Majesty.
Many Indian moons ago I myself played in back-to-back Test matches, and as England have done now, we won the first and careered on into the second expecting normal service to be immediately resumed. Victory did not come twice for us, but I felt that Alec Stewart had something extra going for him - he did not take the same team into the second match as had won the first. There was a freshness about the approach - Alex Tudor and John Crawley are out there with much to prove. Michael Atherton is better out of it and Alan Mullally is plain unlucky.
The memorable Australian all-rounder Alan Davidson is now President of the New South Wales Cricket Association. ``There's moisture in it, it'll do a bit for an hour,'' he said at the start. It did, but it was not a putting-in-to-bat pitch. This was confirmed when England hopes sunk to an ominous low - Mark Ramprakash had the ball in his hand to bowl off-spin at 3.05 on the first day. It says a lot about those who decided to leave Phil Tufnell at home. Immediately Shane Warne and Stuart McGill became danger names and Colin Miller, who would love bowling his quicker finger-spin.
But back to the hat-trick. Do not believe those who return to Britain saying that they saw it. Travel around Sydney is notoriously risky around the New Year. Almost everyone who knew the city taxi service well had left the ground by 4.30 to catch the final overs on television. Otherwise even private buses took an hour and a half back to a city hotel.
For example, on the way to the ground, my taxi chickened out of the long, slow queue through Paddington saying that his heart was not good and he suffered claustrophobia in traffic congestion. A professional driver with a nervous condition! He could drop me off for a 15-minute walk but no nearer. If thumb-screwed, most England fans will tell you that they heard of Gough's brilliant hat-trick against Australia in 1999 on a taxi radio or on a television back in the air-conditioned Sydney hotel. I never asked the Bedsers where they were, but never mind, their gospel rang out over Australia and I hope over all the cricketing world, through the actions of their stocky disciple of cheery disposition who gets batsmen on to the front foot and moves the ball late in the air.