It was, you could say, a difficult day. The immediate aftermath of our fourth Test defeat on Sunday was painful, make no mistake about that, and turned into an experience that none of us want to see repeated.

It's not nice to hear England supporters booing when your turn comes to be interviewed on the balcony at the end of a Test. I was hurt. But I could understand. It goes with the territory. Anger, after all, means people care and are passionate about the England cricket team.

I've been there myself. I have become angry if my favourite football team have under-performed - and I am a Leeds supporter, don't forget - or a golfer I like has played a bad shot. I can remember shouting ``that's crap Seve'' at my television when a crucial putt has been missed even though I had no real idea what the guy was going through. It's natural and the barrackers at the Oval had every right to express their frustration.

But it's hard to explain what is going through your mind at times like that. You can only attempt to explain to the media and the public your view of what has happened and then return to your team for some straight talking. Yes, I did say on that balcony that I was proud of my players and I see no reason to retract that statement but, as that comment, I gather, has attracted at least one 'Insane Hussain' headline, I do feel I should elaborate on it.

You must remember that there had been a lot of comments about our body language at Old Trafford and supposed problems in the dressing room, but the players gave me everything as a team at the Oval before we were let down again by our inexplicable capacity to collapse as a batting unit. If I had criticised the players in public they would have lost all respect for me and just would not have responded the next time I asked them to dig deep.

When I returned to the dressing room I again told them I was proud of them but I also told them that enough was enough and we couldn't keep on collapsing. We must get stronger as a batting unit and the only way to do that is to work damn hard as a team and as individuals. It was emotional, as we were also saying goodbye to people like Wayne Morton, the physio, and Graham Gooch as a selector. But the time for moping was then over. I have not wanted people's sympathy since then, but I have been encouraged by the many supportive letters I have received and the response I gained when I appeared on the BBC programme On Side on Monday.

Monday was also a time for more straight talking as we had our preliminary selection meeting for this winter's South African tour. We had originally planned to pick the team there and then but we wanted to safeguard against knee-jerk reactions so instead I invited Ian Botham and Jack Birkenshaw, our official advisers, to the meeting and they joined me, David Graveney and Duncan Fletcher in a frank exchange of views with no names being written down. We will meet again today.

I know Ian had been one of our critics in the press on Monday but I had no problem in him joining us. After all, no-one can ever expect Ian Botham to bite his lip and he was there as someone who has strong views and who cares very deeply about our future direction.

I did not read the papers on Monday but, of course, I am aware of the tone of the coverage and certain headlines have been pointed out to me. To be honest, I feel some of it is negative to the point of hysteria and I don't think much of it reflects the public's views. I did read E W Swanton in the Daily Telegraph and it was interesting to see him point out that after a while totally negative coverage does not mean anything because you run out of words and they have no impact any more.

As a cricketer, if my team has a bad day I like to look for the good points and if we have a good day I like to keep our feet on the ground by pointing out the bad things. Not getting too low or too high is a decent philosophy for a sportsman and I wish some of the media would be like that at times. It just seems to be out of perspective to me but, again, I guess that if some papers feel they should devote space on their front pages to the 'demise' of English cricket then they must feel there is still interest in the great game.

Since then I have been trying to take stock and speaking to people whose opinions I value, like Dermot Reeve during Essex's game against Somerset. Now I have to confess I didn't have too high an opinion of Dermot when he was a player but now I realise I was wrong and that he has much to offer.

I very much hope, when our touring party and one-day squad is named tomorrow, that we will keep in place the plan we spoke so long about before the Oval. There is no point in wholesale changes just one Test after vowing to give people a proper chance and asking the public to have patience with us. Yes, there will be tinkering as I learnt a fair bit about certain people at the Oval and, of course, we hope and expect Darren Gough and Alex Tudor to be fit and available.

But what I am looking for is a spine of cricketers - an opening batsman, middle-order players, a senior spinner and pace bowlers - and introduce the right people around them, new or young faces with heart and attitude. An extremely disappointing defeat to New Zealand does not change that.

There will also be quite a few different names for the one-day section in South Africa and Zimbabwe at the end of the tour. The next World Cup is, of course, in South Africa and we want to be picking people who will still be around then while appreciating the need to win matches in the interim. Fielding is also a big factor on the big South African grounds so fit, strong people is what we're after.

There will be one notable absentee. Graham Thorpe rang me the night before the Oval Test and asked if I could go to his hotel room. Nothing unusual in that. He's done that countless times before and usually ended up putting a bottle of red wine down on my room bill afterwards. But this time when I got there he was in a serious mood and asked me to sit down.

Graham then told me that he wouldn't be available for the Test series because he wanted to spend more time with his family and that it had been an extremely difficult decision. He told me that he regretted the timing because we're close and he wanted to be part of what we are trying to achieve but that it had to be done. I was very disappointed and I know South Africa will be delighted. I know he had been thinking about this for a long time but I half expected him to pull out of the one-day series. Both Duncan and I are receptive to the idea of key players who have been around a long time having a break and we had come up with contingency plans but Graham told me he and Nicky, his wife, had considered all the options and that this was the only solution.

It's a blow for England as he was a strong candidate for the vice-captaincy. Graham knows he is putting his long-term place in jeopardy by taking this action but it is a position I understand and I'm sure he'll be competing strongly for a place very soon.

For now, the only way forward is work. Let South Africa believe they are strong favourites. Let them think they are taking on the worst team in the world. Then we will go out there and try to surprise a few.