The first thing you do is panic, fearing you have overslept. Knowing your walk on to the coach will be greeted by a lot of sarcastic tutting and head-shaking is embarrassing enough to make being late something you want to avoid. A look at my watch ended that fear as it was 8.15 am and we weren't meeting until nine o'clock.

My relief was shortlived, though, as a peek through the spy hole in my hotel door immediately told there was not good news on the horizon. The vision that greeted me was that of a stern-faced England captain Alec Stewart. I knew it was bad news, as the last time an England captain knocked on my door unexpectedly looking like that it was Mike Atherton, telling me I had been left out of the 1996 World Cup squad.

``You're not going to like what I'm going to say to you,'' he said. ``Why, what's up?'' I inquired, even though I was half prepared for his news.

``I'm sorry, but you're not in the squad for this Test. On this wicket, we have decided to go for the bowlers with a bit more pace,'' were the words that sealed my fate. He asked me whether I had anything to say. I may have mumbled something which I cannot remember and he left the room unescorted.

In the immediate disappointment that follows, I never say a great deal, just sit there numbly, half listening to what is being said, collecting my thoughts and coming to terms with the decision.

I suppose, to start with, I had some sort of understanding for the decision, accepting that there are pitches where other bowlers may potentially be more effective than me and that this pitch is unique in its pace and bounce. I admit I am no Allan Donald or Curtly Ambrose, but I do a few things right and the more I thought about things as the day went on, the greater became my frustrations. I'm not now going to go into a trumpet-blowing session but, needless to say, I felt the performances I have put in over my career would at least have put me in the frame for the game.

All in all, being dropped opened up a can of worms and got me answering questions I would rather avoid. All of a sudden, there again seems to be a question mark hanging over my head, people are doubting me, questioning my ability at this level; that is not nice. Inevitably, the news created some media attention and the familiar questions were asked concerning my form, rhythm, nip, prospects for the rest of the tour/career and so on.

The worrying thing is that being out of the side means I am not in control of my own future, and if someone else bowls well, he could keep his place and I could wait a while for my next chance. As I have said before, it is how you respond that counts; this game is a test of character and you either give it up and walk away or work like hell to get yourself back into the team, which is what I intend to do.