DURBAN - After such an encouraging start to 1998, I don't think that anyone would be surprised to learn that I am terribly disappointed with the way the year has ended for me and the West Indies cricket team.
Our 3-1 victory against England was an encouraging start to my stint at the helm and an ideal foundation upon which we left the Caribbean in search of a place on the top rung of the cricketing ladder.
Coming after what happened in Pakistan some months earlier, it was to be the beginning of the revival.
And even though we lost the first two Tests here, you'd forgive me for believing that at 201 for two at tea time in the second innings of this most recent game, things were finally going our way.
We had an 87-run lead and I was looking forward to probably giving the South Africans something like a 275-300 target to chase.
Given the pressure they were under, I didn't think we could have lost.
I had visions of 1-2 with two Tests to go! But this is a game, as we all know, of glorious uncertainties.
I remember our discussion at tea-time which centred on the need for Chanders and myself to go on and get hundreds.
It would have meant at least 60 more runs between us and we believed it would have put the game beyond our hosts.
But this simply did not happen. The one thing these South Africans have is fighting spirit. And they demonstrated it.
I think that I batted as well as I wanted during the innings. I made up my mind to eliminate the hook and pull shots for as long as possible but it was obvious after the break that they were not going to bowl me outside the off stump.
Notice, they didn't even have a slip. In the circumstances, my runs would have had to come through the on-side.
The ball I got out to was struck as well as I wanted. Had I been in a bit longer, I may have placed it further away from the fieldsman but it was a great catch and I suppose, this is another area where the South Africans have excelled.
I didn't expect Chanders to follow me so closely. As the form batsman had he stayed around, we could have still done it.
But again, his dismissal caused panic among the other batsmen.
Chanders was batting really well. He was tight in defence and when he got the bad balls he put them away beautifully.
It is unfortunate that he has not been able to convert some more of those half-centuries into hundreds. We could really have done with that then.
I know it hurts him. But our dismissals undid everything.
People have questioned Carl's dismissal but we can't blame the wicket-keeper.
In this age of modern technology and third umpires, we should at least allow the umpires to say yes or no. Carl is our most experienced batsman and we really needed him to come good. As it turned out, we lost a wicket for no reason.
Think how different it might have been if the umpires were allowed to do their jobs in that instance. We surrendered psychologically after that and everything just went haywire.
But there were some positives. Franklyn Rose was superb. He is part of the future and he will most likely lead the attack in the next game considering the injuries to Courtney and Curtly.
Courtney is definitely out while we will wait for as long as possible to decide on Curtly.
I also wish to comment on another player for the future - Darren Ganga. He looked so mature and comfortable during his debut innings.
I have great plans for him. He may be part of the answer to our opening problems but this is something we have to sit and think out carefully.
I don't think that he expected to be placed in such a responsible role so early in his career. But he has it in him to come through with flying colours.
Who knows what he will deliver in the next two games. I am confident that we will all be pleased!