So I am duly obliged to Rod Marsh, now chief coach at the Australian Cricket Academy, for his succinct summation of the present side after their seven-wicket defeat by England A: ``You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.''
Opinions of English cricket are at such a low ebb here it is a relief to discover that even the world champions of the firstclass game are having their problems.
Though the Academy match was not first-class, for the England party it was more than just a game: pride and professional dignity were at stake. Fed on a diet of propaganda about the alleged superiority of Australia's 'young guns' one player told me beforehand: ``We're sick of hearing how good they are.''
England won in barely three days' play and only three of the Academy side looked fit to lace the tourists' boots. On that showing, come 2005, it could well be Australia who are the also-rans of the game.
That is for the future. Tell any taxi driver in this country today that you are with the England tour party and he will first register surprise (the games are not exactly the best-attended affairs in town), then proceed to bad-mouth the English game.
The players have come in for their share of rubbishing from the man-in-the-street. The captain, Adam Hollioake, says: ``Talking to people, they say that English cricket isn't in very good shape so we tell them 'How come we've won our last four games then? You guys aren't so hot yourselves'. ``
It was Mike Gatting's avowed intention when he arrived here as coach to restore some respect for English cricket. As the tour goes into its second half, the signs are that the message is slowly getting through.
Hollioake says: ``There have been times when the other side have had a few words to say to us out in the middle and we have stood up for ourselves. But having a beer with them afterwards I sense that we have earned their respect.''
What has happened to change England's image in Australia from no-hopers to winners? Hollioake believes that above all it is a happy team spirit, for which he and the tour management must take due credit. ``The dressing-room atmosphere is very strong no-one has switched off - and there is a huge belief in each other.''
That team spirit was never more evident than at the end of the last day against Victoria when the home tailenders were threatening to hold on against all the odds for a draw.
THE bowlers were wilting in the draining heat but, Hollioake says: ``There were still plenty of volunteers to keep running in. That tells you how much spirit and fight there is.''
The sensible decision to bring only 14 players means that there are no passengers, though four weeks into the trip, as form begins to dictate the make-up of the team, one or two are perhaps feeling under-loved.
The turning point was the 12-run win over South Australia. Rusty after a six-week lay off following the home season and without proper nets preparation, England lost their first game to New South Wales second XI by a mile.
Another defeat and Hollioake concedes that heads might have started to drop. Instead, against the odds, victory came in Adelaide.
``Since then winning has become a habit. The side has such belief in itself, a feeling that we are going to win every time we step out.''
For a man who has captained Surrey a handful of times (he is not sure how many) Hollioake emanates natural authority. Over the weeks he has changed almost visibly from a rookie leader into a mature conductor. It has not always been easy.
``I have felt the pressures,'' he admits. ``I found it very difficult at times but a wonderful challenge as well. Each day I find I am getting better at the job and coping better. The hardest thing has been to get to know the players and get them working as a unit.''
So is this the beginning of a renaissance? ``I'm not saying we are the saviours of English cricket but we're going in the right direction,'' he declares.
Victory in Melbourne was the sweetest taste of all for Hollioake, born in that city. Now all he wants to do is make a few more Australians eat their words - before he goes home to England.