An article in a local tourist magazine, under the headline 'Captain Grumpy Comes to Zimbabwe', describes Michael Atherton as a miserable sledger, and his team as narrow minded and bad mannered. Why they are sitting on the fence instead of saying what they really think, heaven only knows.
Furthermore, Zimbabwe's player-coach, Dave Houghton, was decidedly unimpressed when England declined to socialise with the opposition in the Harare Sports Club bar after Sunday's one-day defeat. ``They may have been disappointed, but I can't believe they couldn't find an hour to stay for a drink with our players, and to meet the local people,'' he said. ``What's the point of going back to the hotel to brood?''
As it happens, England spend a lot of time keeping their own company in the hotel, not so much brooding, but playing a word game called, appropriately enough in view of their current level of performance,
It is, apparently, a version of Call My Bluff, in which case, if Jack Russell was playing last night, he would not have had much trouble describing the meaning of the word balderdash as ``a decision arising from an England selection meeting''.
Russell is used to watching England's batsmen fail so spectacularly at the start of a tour that he is the one who ends up paying the price, but this is the first time he has been relegated to the spare parts department before he has even had time to unpack his suitcase.
By their own admission, England are fielding the XI they have pencilled in for the first Test in this game, and Alec Stewart, who would happily make a bonfire of his wicketkeeping gloves given the choice, is the man chosen behind the stumps.
David Lloyd, the coach, said: ``It's not totally cast in stone, but it's fair to say that it indicates how we're thinking. It's a question of needing five bowling places, for three seamers and two spinners.''
It is wretched luck on Russell, who once again carries the can for England's continuing failure to unearth genuine all-rounders. England, who have also omitted Ronnie Irani and Chris Silverwood, have asked Stewart to combine the wicketkeeping duties with the poisoned chalice position at No 3.
Stewart, in fact, has been an obvious candidate for many years, but whether it is the sort of position from which he can improve a Test average which is lower than Russell's as a wicketkeeperbatsman is a moot point. One thing you can say is that No 3, as opposed to No 2, will give him a breather after keeping wicket albeit, on recent form, not much of one.
Darren Gough and Andrew Caddick both play despite, respectively, a sore foot and a sore throat, and England may yet be forced to reconsider not replacing Dominic Cork. Houghton thinks that it smacks of lack of respect for Zimbabwe, which brings us to England's best achievement so far on this tour. Firing up the op- position.
ENGLAND (v Mashonaland): *M A Atherton, N V Knight, -A J Stewart, N Hussain, G P Thorpe, J P Crawley, R D B Croft, D Gough, A R Caddick, P C R Tufnell, A D Mullally.